he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
