I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
