i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
