I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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