i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize