bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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