he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
