Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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