Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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