i need an iv and a liver transplant
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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