I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
