do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
