my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
