um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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