It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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