eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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