Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
a search helicopter?!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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