I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
