Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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