You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
