I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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