I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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