Grow some girl-balls and come out already
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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