plz talk dirty to me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
