He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
