omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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