Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
