I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
