Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
