Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize