I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
