I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
