We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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