i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize