The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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