Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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