I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
