i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
