I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
