who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
