..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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