What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
