He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
