remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
