I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize