Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
