I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
