He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
