i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
