he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
