wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
