Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
