just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
