just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
