and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
