When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize