First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
