If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
