i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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