I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just pee around me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Randomize
