The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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