The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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