Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
