You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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