i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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