My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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