The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
