Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A+ Viking dick
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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