i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
