I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize