There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
