we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
