So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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