I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize