"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
