Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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