i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
