I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
