i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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