i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
