Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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