"it" just moved
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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