I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
