you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
