I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
