I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
