I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
