i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When did angry sex become our thing?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
