I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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