I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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