You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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