Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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