adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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