If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
