Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
