i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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